Clairine

Hmmm. A few things about me.

Material Loves

1. Nearly every shade of purple. But I also like soft pastels.
2. Sleeping when it is raining.
3. Caramel. With nearly anything.
4. White food. Vanilla cake. Vanilla pudding. Vanilla ice cream. White choc.
5. Kitten heels. I hardly feel comfortable in high heels.
6. Ribbons. Lace. Silk. Sequins. Glitter. Crystals. Diamonds.
7. Historical movies.
8. Huge blooming roses.
9. Baby bunnies.
10. Grey skies, no rain.

Dislikes

1. Radio static.
2. Steel cutleries scraping on other steel things/cutleries.
3. Clothes with brands/words largely printed on it.
4. Cats.
5. Early morning rain.
6. Coffee. But I drink it to stay awake.
7. Soft toys as presents. Generally.
8. Any kind of shelled seafood excluding crabs.
9. Too much repeated cursing.

Dream guy

1. Quiet and softspoken but in a manly way.
2. Doesn’t talk rubbish but thinks well before saying what’s on his mind.
3. Firm decision-maker.
4. Simple and clean attire. Stylish types are not my taste.
5. Good sense of ethics.
6. Good in studies and streetwise. No hardcore nerds please.
7. I’ve always wanted to marry an architect, lol. It’s a funny notion.

Things I’m good at

1. Buying nice cheap stuff.
2. Burning the midnight oil.
3. Doing household chores.
4. Making caramel pudding.
5. Writing.
6. Controlling shopping desires.

Things I’m bad at

1. Most sports.
2. Being in a serious relationship. I’m commitment-phobic.
3. Being on time. It’s horrible. I really need to change this.
4. Drinking.
5. Dancing. Basically clubbing in general.

Things I really wish I was good at

1. The piano.
2. The Mandarin language.
3. Consistent studying.
4. Being in a serious relationship.

Things that I miss

1. Being cuddled by someone I love.
2. My childhood.
3. The time to really enjoy a good novel.

The greatest regrets of my life

1. Being in a relationship when I was not ready for it.
2. Not thinking thoroughly enough when I decided what I wanted to study.

Current great anxiety

1. The results of my U.S. university applications.

What a week.

My greatest enemy is now dead. I didn’t kill him, okay? I’m not that evil.

He just like, died by himself. Good for him.

Anyway.

I managed to clean up my room. The whole works. I swept it, I vaccuumed it, I mopped it thrice, I folded all my clothes in my wardrobe, I ironed all my shirts and hung them up, I color-coordinated my underwear… hueheheheh. I cleaned my study table, my dressing table, my shelf, my bed…

It is a very clean room now I have to say.

Sorry no pictures. You might get too jealous looking at my spick n span room, hahaha. *Joking*

Didn’t study for the SAT. Hmmm. Am I being too relaxed about this? The exam is in two weeks. Just great. I guess I’ll be burning the midnight oil again. I’ve got lots of oil supply, you see. Be always burning it.

On Thursday I went to Midvalley and treated myself to a new outfit. Saje-lah. Anyway here’s a picture of what I bought. A pair of Levi’s and a tank top from Somerset Bay. Emptied my wallet but-who-cares since I’m happy.

After that I went to Carrefour with Shantiya, May Lee, Hiz, and Felina. To buy stuff for a small lil party on Friday night. We bought chicken ribs, chicken wings, and lots of lamb, sausages, mozzie cheese, bbq sauce, and other stuff. Went home later and marinated the chicken and lamb for the next day. Thought of making jelly but… but… aiyo lazy-lah.

After all the marinating was finished, I went to Pan Bakery for a late night supper and I was surprised with a song from JC and Ladu. Very cute. Haha. And a birthday brownie with a candle from Shantiya and May Lee. Thanks babes!

The next day immediately after class I went to Sunway with May Lee to watch The Banquet… yeay! We had to run out of class at 12 noon and run to catch a cab and run to queue for the movie at 12.20 but guess what it didn’t start until 1.10 omg. Stupid TGV was having problems with the film at that time so they stopped it and started it again and again and finally when the screen was ok the soundsystem was messed up. Horrible experience. But I liked the movie. I’m reaaaally into all this Ancient China stuff, especially about the dynasties and royal family. So ostentatious and so captivating. I liked Zhang Ziyi’s clothes. Long flowing bathrobe. And bathing in a bathtub (more like… pond. lake. whatever) full of scented flower petals. Wowwee. But stupid censorship board cut the part where we see her get into the bath.

And and and. Daniel Wu is so handsome.

And and and. That Huang Xiaoming guy is also really good looking. I like. ^-^

Some people told me it was boring, but I still wanted to watch it anyway. And I liked the show. So I guess it was worth watching.

Later that day we had a bbq and small party at the park. Photos are limited because I was so freaking busy running here and there doing stuff so I didn’t have time to take many pictures. It was a joint birthday, mine and May Lee’s (her real birthday was two weeks ago). We had lanterns for light.

Thanks so so so much to Hiz and Felina for managing the bbq pit. They bbq-ed all night long! How nice and sweet. Thanks guys. And thanks to my lovely housemates for helping out here and there with everything. To Kar Ling for sponsoring the Tom Yam fried rice, to Shantiya for arranging for the dessert and cake, and to Felina for helping out with fries. We hung them on trees, heheheh. He grabbed the branches and pulled it down low enough for me to hang the lanterns. Thanks Ferdinand for the flowers. Thanks Ladu for the bbq pit. And thanks to Jason for the football and helping here and there with everything.

Hiz and Felina at the bbq pit. Aren’t they sweet together!

Eh whazzat?

Shantiya was trying to feed me cake. Yummy American Chocolate cake.

And you know what? That’s it. No more pictures. I’m too lazy to edit the rest cos they’re kinda blur. So happy birthday to me and that’s all folks.

Before I conclude this, I’d like to thank Gloria for calling me from Penang, my girlies Leen, Mer, and Jen for calling me all the way from Australia, Alex for calling, Jon for calling from Ipoh. Thanks hunnies. Thanks Trace and Mayn for messaging from Australia. Thanks also to Chirp and Jon Wong for messaging me from Sarawak. And lotsa others who wished me through sms and testimonials. Thanks thanks thanks.

I had a great birthday! It’s great being 19.

Edit: Thanks Kish and Eugene for the book. Thanks Leen for the presents. Thanks Alex and Adelene for the hand-made card. Thanks Mayn for trying to call, and sorry I couldn’t answer when you did.

Cried until my eyes were swollen and red yesterday.

Slept early last night.

Woke up late this morning.

Normally I’d go downstairs and play with my bunnies at this hour, but all I see now is an empty cage where they used to be.

I think I’ll stay away from that part of my house for the time being.

Last night I discussed with Leen on methods of making that evil satanic stupid fucking cat pay for what he did.

I swear I’m going to whack the hell out of that cat if when I get my hands on him.

The scene keeps replaying in my mind. Brownball squealing as he was being carried off by his neck into my neighbour’s yard. I wanted to save him also cannot. Bloody cat was too fast. >.<

I hate cats.

*****

Today I shall do productive things.

I’ll start studying for the SAT. My exam is on Oct 14…. 15th…? I can’t remember. Been procrastinating studying for it. Alah. People who took it said the maths is damn easy but the english is damn hard. I think I should be able to manage.

I’ll clean up my room. Fold up all my clothes. Organize my wardrobe. Color-code my outfits and alphabetize my underwear by brand name.

Just kidding.

I just need to do something to get my mind off yesterday’s incident.

Thinking about changing blog hosts. I was eyeing Blogspot but it doesn’t seem to have very good photo display functions. I dunno. Xanga seems nice but I don’t really like its comments function. MySpace looks complicated. I dunno. Still thinking about it. I really dislike Friendster blogs because of limited functions but I really like the simplicity and user-friendly design.

*****

Stupid TOEFL. It’s a blood-sucking, time-consuming, money-making scam. I sent an international fax requesting 3 additional score reports, and sudahlah they are charging me USD 17.00 per additional score report, they even have the balls to make me wait ten business days/two weeks basically, to start processing my request.

You’d think for USD 17.00 they could send it to the universities 2 weeks after my fax was received.

But no, they have to make me wait another 2 weeks to "process" it and another 2 weeks to mail it. 2 weeks TO mAiL iT!!!!!!!!!!1111

And it’s just a bloody score!

For USD 17.00 x 3.8 = RM 64.60 you’d think they would work faster than that.

And after all that, they said I have to check with the university to see if they’ve received the score report.

What. The. -_-

*****

Okay. Need to clean my room now.

I was looking forward to going home.

I was really really looking very very much forward to going home this weekend.

Last Sunday I took a lot of pictures of Brownball. I took lots and lots of pictures. I wanted to blog about him, how cute he is, and how I love it when he snuggles against me and licks my hand with his little tongue.

He was the reason why I looked forward to going home so incredibly much.

*****

He’s just a little baby. Just two months old. Look at how small he is compared to this little stuffed doggie.

One thing about Brownball is he loves to lick my fingers. My hands. My toes. It’s not a wet lick, it’s a soft and dry one. His little tongue is so comforting to me whenever I hold him and play with him. Here’s a picture of him licking my fingers. I find it rare to find a bunny who will lick you so willingly and kindly all the time. Whenever I just put my hands near him, he immediately licks me. And it’s such a nice feeling… He’s so extremely special to me because of this quality. He’s the first bunny who’s ever licked me in my life.

He’s the same size as a TY beanie baby bear. Don’t they look cute together. Two angels looking at each other. Two soft, furry, cuddly angels.

Here is Brownball posing for the camera on my study table. He is so smart, he doesn’t use my study table as a toilet. He knows when and where is the right place to go. My study table was absolutely clean even after I let him run around on it for one hour.

I love to let Brownball sit in my lap and I will just pet him and stroke his small little head and body for an hour each day, and maybe more. Sometimes he climbs up on my stomach and just falls asleep there. It’s so adorable watching him sleep. A cute little ball of brown fur.

I even placed him in my bundle of soft toys so that he would enjoy the soft feeling of being around them. He just sat there quietly while I took pictures of him, because I thought it was all just so adorable… and it made such a lovely picture.

I let Brownball look at my Differential Equations homework. He looked quite interested at it. Or maybe it was just my green mechanical pencil. Whatever it was, he hopped around on the sheets of paper for a while.

See? My smart little Brownball looks really interested in my D.E. work. Isn’t that so funny… I brought him upstairs to accompany me studying for my D.E. test. And he really cheered me up that time. I wasn’t so bored with him in my arms and hopping around the pages of math.

He even tried to help me. I suppose. I know I’m being dumb. Bunnies don’t do Differential Equations. Hahah. But my little Brownball just hopped over to my calculator and started playing with the keypad.

Brownball even managed to key in a couple of numbers. What a smart little bunny… Just look at the little guy.

After hopping around here and there and trying to help me with D.E, Brownball went back to the little doggie. And tried to lick it, being so friendly and nice.

And here’s one of the first pictures I took of Brownball when I first brought him and Snowbell home. They look so small. Tiny. They could fit in the palm of my hand.

I looked at these pictures over and over throughout the past week, and waiting and waiting for Friday so I could go home and play with my bunnies. One thing I have to mention here is Snowbell developed a kind of ulcer on her chin, so my mum brought her back to the pet store about 3 weeks ago to change her for another bunny. I never got to name the other bunny.

Once I got home today I immediately ran to the cage that kept Brownball and the other bunny and brought him out and held him - I even spoke to him - "Hi, how are you? Did you miss me? Been eating a lot haven’t you? See you’re getting fat now…" then tickle him and put him down again. He then licked my fingers and snuggled next to my legs… like he was trying to tell me he missed me too.

Then I thought, since they’ve been cooped up in the cage for 1 whole week, I should let them run around…

So I brought them downstairs and out to my front yard… let them run around on the grass. They were really happy. I was really happy. Watching them frolick and play and munch on leaves and scampering about and looking at the flowers and playing with the pebbles and as I sat down and watched them, two little baby bunnies, I felt so happy… I felt like, I should take a picture of this… they both look really so so happy…

Thinking about how much I love Brownball, who licks me fondly and gives me the impression that he really does love me. Thinking about how the two bunnies really love to run and hop and jump and how free and joyful they look. Thinking about how long I had waited for Friday just so I could be with my bunnies. Thinking about how much I missed them and was even planning to bring them to Subang with me, because I didn’t want to leave them alone anymore.

*****

It all happened so fast, like a bold streak of lightning. I can only remember seeing this huge black and white cat literally flying across where I was sitting.

Grabbing hold of Brownball.

By the neck.

I could hear Brownball squealing.

I remember chasing the cat.

But like a streak of lightning, the cat just grabbed Brownball and carried my little baby across the wall to my neighbor’s yard. That was the last I saw of Brownball.

Then I saw the other bunny limping and hopping strangely across my lawn.

She managed to hop to a place near the flowers that she had been sniffing so curiously and happily just moments before. And she lay there, eyes blinking slowly.

I stared at the fence where the cat had disappeared with my Brownball.

I stared at the place where the other bunny was resting, breathing slowly.

Then I saw blood pouring out from the side of her neck. Her body shivering.

Then death.

And that is when I started screaming.

*****

As I write this, I’m still in a state of shock. After what happened, I just stood there, screaming and screaming.

I went upstairs, shaking. Washed my face and sat down and sobbed… and sobbed… and sobbed…

My head hurts.

My heart hurts.

I feel like I can’t breathe.

And I am still crying.

I got this in the mail not too long ago. I normally delete junk mail the moment I recognize it’s junk mail, characterized by numerous "Fwd: Fwd: Fwd" or "Re: Re: Re" or "Lovely love story" or "Sad true story"… it’s just not worth my time clicking on it. Other pieces of mail with more interesting titles, however, or things forwarded by people who have a history of forwarding interesting mails that are actually worth my time, such as say, Tracie, I keep for a while in my inbox until a day when I’m free and I can actually read them.

The moment I opened this email, titled "Fw: PLEEASE READ!!!! It was on the news! ASAP, I regretted it immediately.

This was on the 9:00 o’clock news the other night and this works

THIS TOOK TWO PAGES OF THE TUESDAY USA TODAY - IT IS FOR REAL 

Subject: PLEEEEEEASE READ!!!! it was on the news! 

This thing is for real. Rest assured AOL and Intel will follow through with their promises for fear of facing a multimillion-dollar class action suit similar to the one filed by PepsiCo against General Electric not too long ago. 

Dear Friends; Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates sharing his fortune. If you ignore this, You will repent later. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. 

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it ( If you are a Microsoft Windows user) ?For a two weeks time period. 

For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00 For every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and ! for every third person that receives it, You will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a check. 

Regards. Charles S Bailey General Manager Field Operations 

1-800-842-2332 Ext. 1085 or 904-1085 or RNX 

292-1085 Charles_Bailey@csx.com Charles_bailey@csx.com

I thought this was a scam myself, But two weeks after receiving this e-mail and forwarding it on. Microsoft contacted me for my address and within days, I receive a check for $24,800.00. You need to respond before the beta testing is over. If anyone can afford this, Bill gates is the man. 

It’s all marketing expense to him. Please forward this to as many people as possible. You are bound to get at least $10,000.00. We’re not going to help them out with their e-mail beta test without getting a little something for our time. My brother’s girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. When I went to visit him for the Baylor /UT game. She showed me her check. It was for the sum of $4,324.44 and was stamped "Paid in full" 

Like I said before, I know the law, and this is for real. 

Intel and AOL are now discussing a merger which would make them the largest Internet company and in an effort make sure that AOL remains the most widely used program, Intel and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. 

When you forward this e-mail to friends, Intel can and will track it ( if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period. 

Try it; What have you got to lose!

Ummm. Right. So let me get this straight. You actually expect me to send this to as many people as I know so that in two weeks Microsoft will pay me thousands and thousands of dollars just for forwarding emails? Just for mindlessly sitting in front of my PC and sending useless pieces of junk mail to everyone in my contact list? WOW! Easy money! I wonder why the whole world doesn’t do this! No one would have to work anymore! Bill Gates is giving away his fortune yo! Quit your jobs and stay at home and start forwarding mails to help be a Marketing Executive for Microsoft! Within two weeks, he’ll send you a big fat check cos he’s got a lot of money and wouldn’t mind giving it away.

What astounded me even more is the amount of individuals who actually forwarded this email to other individuals. I saw no less than 250 email addresses on that forwarded piece of junk crap shit mail. And those people forwarding the mail to more people. A basic history of all transactions this email made. The number of people who actually thought Bill Gates would give thousands of dollars away to losers who want to get-rich-quick. It’s like a never ending cycle of stupidity driven by greed.

Try it? I don’t think so. What have I got to lose??? My time, for instance. My own respect for myself, for instance. Forward ASAP??? I don’t… think… so.

I wonder how many people tried to email, or worse, call, that Charles Bailey guy listed in the email. Before they realized he’s fake. I truly wonder how many people tried emailing him and demanding for their money. It’s so sad. *shakes head*

Before I conclude this, I’d just like to tell all of you people who FORWARD me messages such as "Friendster is closing down" to stop and get a life. I am not a person you should forward useless emails/messages to. I delete them the moment I see them, and if I see your name appear too many times with junk mail as a subject line, I will soon come to delete every single piece of mail I get from you, sometimes without even seeing beforehand whether it is junk mail or not. Don’t send it unless it’s and interesting story or you have something truly interesting to share.

I’m not interested in something that promises me hundreds of thousands of dollars for doing nothing, not interested in something that asks me to forward emails so I can earn 3 cents for every mail so I can help save some poor little boy suffering from cancer, not interested in something that asks me to make a WISH and send it to 25 people or more if not I’ll die a horrible death and be unlucky in love for ten lifetimes; I’m not interested - not interested - NOT INTERESTED.

Thank you for your kind attention.

Today was a day of zero productivity.

Well, maybe I was a little bit productive. This morning, when I attended my Differential Equations class. I rajinly did the work that the lecturer gave and rajinly did a bit of extra work, and rajinly stayed back about 20 minutes after class to continue doing work.

After that, however, was a totally different story. I went to the AUP Office and bumped into Jason. Then we went to the canteen where we bumped into my D.E. lecturer. So the three of us makan and talked until about 1.30 which is when I decided to wander around college aimlessly. Went to the concourse, chatted with Mei Qin, went back to the AUP Office to just walk in and walk out again, went back to the concourse to check on my club’s notice board, went to Student Affairs Office to just walk in and walk out again, went to Lecture Hall 2 to check out the Freshie’s Gathering, lepaked around but didn’t join in the games cos I’m like a super-senior in college terms (lol – translated: OLD), then went back to the concourse to check on my board, went back to AUP Office, went back to LH2, etc.

Finally Jason put an end to my mindless wandering by walking me home. Forcing me to walk home, more like. Anyway.

Went back home and just sort of slept. Kinda lounging and lazing around. Read my room mate’s CLEO mag. One thing about me is I just don’t buy magazines? Because I just wait for my friends/room mates to buy them then I get to read them for free, how nice. So I just sorta read it, more like looked at the pictures of stuff I want but can’t afford until Grace messaged me and told me she was in One U shopping with her sister. Made my shopping pangs intensify. Dang. And she bought sweaters. Lagi dang. I heart sweaters. I wanna buy more sweaters!

Then I just fell asleep after reading half the magazine. Around 5pm I woke up and read another quarter of the magazine then fell asleep again. Then finally I woke up at 7 pm when my parents called to say they’re coming to fetch me home in half an hour. So I finished reading the magazine and started packing my stuff. So basically from about 12.30 noon until 7.30 pm I basically did nothing?

My parents finally reached at 8 pm cos of the traffic jam. It’s been raining kittens and puppies in Subang of late. Two mornings ago I woke up at 5 am just because the sound of the rain and wind was so strong and loud. And yesterday it rained like for the whole day. Monsoon season, I guess. Hey, as long as it doesn’t rain when I am walking to class or walking home, I’m fine with it.

Then we went to Las Carritas at Taipan for dinner. Poor brother of mine. Stuck at home because he came home late from school thus couldn’t follow my parents to Subang to fetch me. Nice place. Should check it out, it’s sorta like Chilis setting, but it’s more personalized and the food is slightly tastier in a way, although the portions are a bit smaller for the same price. By the time we were done eating (actually by the time I was done, since my parents waited about 20 minutes for me to finish eating after they were done) it was 10 pm. By the time we got back home, it was 10.45 pm.

When I got home, I played with my bunnies and watched tv (not really watching, more like just looking) and read the newspaper where I came across this article. I don’t even know where to begin to comment on this article. I don’t know where to start. That i) the mother is 15 and actually allowed to take care of her son by herself, ii) that she actually left her one year old son outside by himself while she went into a shop, iii) that she let him hold her bag containing her IC and his birth certificate, or iv) that she let him do that AND let him stay outside by himself?!?

First of all, if you’re 15 you are hardly mature enough to mother a one year old baby. You should hand over your child to someone more competent, with resources, and the maturity to handle parenthood. It’s selfish. To deprive your child of the opportunity to learn well and grow well if you insist on caring for him when obviously you cannot! This is such nonsense. At 15, you’re still a kid yourself. How on earth can you be a good mother? How on earth are you going to provide even the basic necessities for your baby? Why exactly do teen pregnancies happen? Other than improved sex education in schools, they should start teaching ways to practice self control (they can incorporate this subject into Moral Studies a.k.a. The Most Useless Subject On Earth – how does memorizing a few dozen nilai murni’s make you a moral person? I’m not against the subject but they seriously need to rethink how they’re teaching it). And even if there is no self control because teenagers are naturally horny (???), schools should drill over and over again into student’s heads the methods of contraception. But do Malaysia’s schools do this? No. My form 3 teacher referred to the male sexual organ as “kayu balak” and showed us the transparency for all of 5 seconds then removed it. Maybe instead of “Tak Nak” campaigns for smoking they should  advertise what condoms are for. And what happens to you when you don’t use them.

Second of all, how does someone leave a one year old baby outside by himself? Just, how do you do it? You just tell him, ok, kwai kwai ah, stay here and wait for me ah, I’ll be right back. Then leave. Smart.

Third of all, how does someone leave a HANDBAG with the baby? Then leave that baby outside by himself? For 15 minutes? How??? Tell me, HOW??? How does someone do a thing like that. Just tell me how.

I try to understand, but I just can’t. It sickens me to read this story. I pity that baby. He’s a cute lil guy. I hope and pray that he didn’t fall into bad hands. I hope and pray that he’ll be fine, whether or not he is found again. I don’t even want to think about the worst case scenario. I just really really really hope he will be ok in the end.

Alright then. After reading the newspaper I went upstairs and basically did nothing until current time – 2.30 am. That marks 14 hours of zero productivity. I am so ashamed of myself. I have a D.E. test this Tuesday and seeing as how I have given all my integration methods back to my Cal II lecturer, is not looking too optimistic for me. Furthermore I have to write my last two uni application essays. And I have a slew of other things that I haven’t done that I really have to start doing.

I am such. A. Lazy. Pig.