Clairine

Layer ONE: On the outside
Name: Clairine/my girlies call me "Claire Bear" and I have no idea why it has stuck til this time
Birth date: 29th of September, 1987
Current status: Single and unavailable
Eye color: Dark brown
Hair color: Black
Righty or lefty: Righty
Zodiac sign: Libra

Layer TWO: On the inside
Your heritage: By my name, I’m Cantonese. But if you analyse my grandparents’ lineage, I’m actually half-Hokkien which is totally embarrassing for me since I cannot understand Hokkien at all.
Your fears: Growing old. Getting fat. Sitting on planes. Failing exams. Getting sick. Losing my loved ones. Death and dying. Elephants. I have an irrational fear of elephants.
Your weaknesses: Impatience. Very horrid procrastination. Indecisiveness. Occasional unsociable behavior.
Your perfect pizza: Pepperoni with mushrooms and extra cheese.

Layer THREE: Yesterday, today, tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: just 10 more minutes please
Your bedtime: Depends. I consider any hour before 2 am "early", so you can probably figure this out yourself.
Your most missed memory: My childhood. Way back when I was fearless and fun, and definitely smarter and more creative than I am now.

Layer FOUR: Your pick
Pepsi or coke: Pepsi
McDonald’s or Burger King: McD
Single or group dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton tea or nestea: Not fond of tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee but only when I need to stay up to study

Layer FIVE: Do you
Smoke: No
Curse: Not if I can help it

Layer SIX: In the past month
Drank alcohol: Yes
Gone to the mall: Is this question even necessary?
Been on stage: No
Eaten sushi: Yes
Dyed your hair: Never

Layer SEVEN: Have you ever?
Played a stripping game: No
Changed who you were to fit in: It’s a part of life, isn’t it?

Layer EIGHT
Age you’re hoping to be married: 28 or whenever I’ve managed to make up my mind long enough to be even able to marry anyone

Layer NINE: In a girl/guy
Best eye colour: In a girl, green. In a guy, brown.
Best hair colour: In a girl, brown. In a guy, black.
Short of long hair: Medium?

Layer TEN: What were you doing
1 minute ago: This
1 hour ago: Having a shower
4.5 hours ago: Watching tv
1 month ago: Enjoying life after finals
1 year ago: Working

Layer ELEVEN: Finish the sentence
I love: to be loved.
I feel: irritated that I have an eye infection.
I hate: CATS.
I hide: my true desires.
I miss: SS15.
I need: to accept the decisions I’ve made and stop looking back.

Layer TWELVE: Tag five people
1. Alex
2. Grace
3. I don’t know.
4. I don’t know!!!
5. I don’t know!!!!!!!!!!!11111

Normally I don’t bother blogging about stuff like this, but this article is too poignant for me to ignore.

I love Malaysia, but are we ready to turn 50?

*****

Taken from Economist.com

http://www.economist.com/world/asia/PrinterFriendly.cfm?story_id=8362605

Putting the Malaise into Malaysia

November 30, 2006

As the country approaches its 50th birthday, racial and religious tensions are jeopardising its economic and social success

UPROAR is still raging in Malaysia over inflammatory speeches at the annual congress of the ruling United Malays National Organisation (UMNO) in mid-November. One delegate talked of being ready to “bathe in blood” to defend the race and religion of the Malay Muslim majority against the ethnic Chinese and Indian minorities. The education minister, no less, brandished a keris (traditional dagger), only to be urged by another delegate to start using it. The affair has brought into focus Malaysians’ worries that, as their country nears its 50th birthday next year, its remarkable economic and social success is at risk from the increasingly separate lives its three main races are living.

Last weekend these anxieties were voiced by the crown prince of Perak, one of the country’s constituent states. He recalled that in his boyhood the races mixed far more freely; nowadays most children go to single-race schools. The prince regretted that some Malay-majority schools have made girls wear headscarves and even told pupils to avoid non-Malays’ homes. Malaysians’ spirit of give-and-take, he lamented, had been replaced by the idea that progress was a zero-sum game among the races.

Apart from some deadly riots in 1969, the country has so far done remarkably well in handling the awkward racial mix it inherited when the Malaysian peninsula gained independence from Britain in 1957 (Britain’s colonies on Borneo joined the union later). The Chinese, now around a quarter of the population, arrived in colonial times to work the country’s tin mines. The Indians, now around one-tenth, mainly came to work on plantations. Neither group intended to stay forever but many did. The Malays’ fears of being marginalised in their own land grew as the Chinese came to dominate business and the Indians the professions.

At independence, a “social contract” was struck in which the Indians and Chinese got citizenship while the indigenous peoples received privileged access to state jobs and education. After the 1969 riots, a far-reaching positive-discrimination policy was introduced, with the aim of increasing the indigenous groups’ share of business ownership from just 4% to 30%.

Supporters of this policy say it has kept the peace, enabling Malaysia to achieve impressive economic growth. Opponents say it has widened the divide between rich UMNO wheeler-dealers and their less fortunate Malay brethren. UMNO itself, having led the country’s development for decades, has become perhaps its greatest handicap. The Malay chauvinism and economic nationalism in its ranks are hobbling progress towards reforming and privatising the big government-linked companies, thereby discouraging both domestic and foreign private investment. The fate of Proton, a carmaker is emblematic: the government has dithered for months over whether to risk UMNO’s ire by selling it to a foreign buyer.

Once an emerging Asian champion, Malaysia is slipping down the league. Its stockmarket is falling behind its rivals (see chart). Last year, foreign direct investment was worth only $4 billion, down from $4.6 billion in 2004. Despite having a big base in Malaysia, Intel is putting its new chipmaking plant in Vietnam. A key test of whether the government can boost investment, says Vince Leusner of the American Malaysian Chamber of Commerce, will be agreement on a free-trade pact it is negotiating with America. Concessions will be needed on such tricky issues as letting foreign firms bid for government contracts. To win greater access to the American market—Malaysia’s largest—the prime minister, Abdullah Badawi, must brave the wrath of his UMNO backbenchers.

Nor Mohamed Yakcop, the deputy finance minister, points out that the government has a good record on delivering economic reforms—such as last year’s loosening of the ringgit’s peg to the dollar—despite political noise. But with Vietnam, China and India competing harder for investment, Malaysia has to build on its strengths as a relatively advanced, liberal country and seek more high-technology and creative businesses. Such businesses need talented people—and the widening ethnic and religious gap is encouraging a brain drain, says Azmi Sharom, a law lecturer at the University of Malaya.

Although a national discussion is plainly needed on how to renew Malaysia’s social contract and stop its races growing further apart, Mr Badawi has so far tried to close down this debate. He rejected proposals to create an “inter-faith council” and has told Article 11, a group named after the constitutional clause guaranteeing religious freedom, to stop organising public discussions. Malik Imtiaz Sarwar, a Muslim lawyer and leader of Article 11, says that UMNO leaders feel compelled to emit fiery religious rhetoric to outflank PAS, an Islamist opposition party.

Mohamed Jawhar Hassan, the head of ISIS, a think-tank, says that Malays’ desire for more overt expression of their Islamic faith, and Chinese and Indian parents’ desire to educate their children separately, are “social forces, much more powerful than any government”. Passing laws may not be enough to stem the drifting apart of the races. But there are few other ideas on how to preserve social harmony and prosperity, two huge achievements of which any country turning 50 could be proud.

My poor eye.

My poor eye!!!

My left eye has an infection now.

It’s swollen.

It’s really swollen.

It’s reddish.

I can’t see properly when I look left.

But above all, it’s PAINFUL.

It’s really painful.

It’s really, really, really painful.

My poor eye.

*****

Last Friday I went out with Grace and Wan Qi to 1 Utama and we literally shopped until we nearly dropped… at least that’s true for Grace and I. From 11 am to 8 pm! We were walking and walking and walking and the only time we weren’t walking was when we went to Bakerzin and had a mid-afternoon tea time which ended up becoming our lunch.

Counter clockwise starting from the upper left… some ice-cream I can’t remember the name, some chocolate raspberry thing I can’t remember the name, vanilla and hot chocolate pana cotta, new york cheesecake, caramel vanilla pana cotta, and claira (haha I only remember this cos it sounds a bit like my name).

Basically we just sat and chit-chatted and camwhored a lil bit for an hour or so… in the middle of our conversation there was a black-out in the place. But everything was fine a while later. Just a temporary black out. The pana cotta was excellent! We shared, 3 for RM13.50. Next time I go there, I’m eating 3 for myself! *greedy look*

Grace and I shopped around for a lot of winter clothing. I ended up buying a white turtleneck sweater, a grey wool hoodie sweater, two mittens, two beanies, four socks, a long-sleeve shirt, a Paul Frank rock monkey t-shirt, three nail polishes from Ionti, a french manicure set, and a spaghetti strap from Somerset Bay. All in all it was about RM500 *gasp*

And Wan Qi was soooo sweet for just tagging along patiently watching Grace and I choose winter clothing!

That’s enough winter clothing for me, though. I doubt I can fit any more into my luggage.

We learned that 1) don’t leave your down feather jacket in the sun and 2) wool and cashmere are the warmest materials for sweaters, don’t go for holey stuff even though it looks nice.

*****

Whereas todayyy I went out with my girlies! Finally, back from Melbourne, Australia! We hung out in my room for a while before making a move to Midvalley. We went straight to Esquire for lunch and I actually ate 4 flower paus. I can’t believe myself. Do I wanna lose weight or not!? And I can some more eat 4 flower paus. Ugh. Ok nemind. Next time I’ll try not to eat so horrendously much.

We took pictures in front of the gingerbread house! You knew this was coming…

I was having a bad hair day + my poor, poor, poor eye… so I wasn’t very photogenic lah. But the gingerbread houses were adorable! I think I prefer these decorations to last years "winter wonderland". Anyway, we went to only a few shops but we left Midvalley very happy people. Our route was basically… the same… old… usual… trail…

I managed to get something from Vincci, Metrojaya (Somerset Bay), and Miss Selfridge :oD

Leen bought a gray spag top from MNG and Mayn bought the same spag as me but in purple. After that, we went home and I decided to take a look at the presents that Leen and Mayn got me from Australia…

Leen got me… caramel koalas. Caramel Tim-tams. Caramel Kit kat bar. Caramel… hazelnut chocolate bar. A pair of diva earrings, and a care bears t-shirt. She actually went out and got me another birthday card too, since her birthday present to me got lost in the stupid Malaysia post office system. So sweet of her! *touched*

Mayn got me almond cookies from Macau, an Alice band and a butterfly purse from Australia. So so so sweet of her too… an Alice band is just what I need right now (seeing as the hair dresser cut my fringe so damn short last week).

After munching on one caramel koala bear which are btw delicious, please do get some if you go to Australia (and don’t forget me!), I took a look at the back of my new Miss Selfridge jeans…

I decided it looked kinda plain. A bit too plain.

It might look better with something on it. Some sort of decorations.

Hmmm.

After thinking about it for a while, trying out different designs and patterns in my mind, 66 diamond crystals and a hot iron later… I ended up with this!

Want a close-up?

Well, even if you don’t, here is a close-up anyway :oD

And that concludes my day!

My room is so incredibly messy…

It’s really, really, really so so so messy…

I dunno what to do with this horrendously messy room!

I’m just too lazy to clean it…

I guess I’m just too lazy in general. In general, I am a lazy person.

I don’t know why I just can’t get myself to get up and MOVE and CLEAN up my room.

Ugh…

I don’t know if I have what it takes. At least I don’t think I do. I really, really, really don’t think I have what it takes…

Perhaps I’m aiming too high too soon. It’s too soon to say what the future will be like. And I am aiming too high for something that I might not even be able to achieve.

Don’t really know when I became this way. I would honestly like to say that I care more about knowledge than I do about grades… but in fact, do I? I don’t know when I started to become this way… like a… robot.

Am I making the right decision? I don’t know either. I am afraid it might not be the right decision. But I cannot change my mind now, it’s too late.

My past is coming back to haunt me. How do I forget things that I’d rather not remember? I wonder if there is a way to do some hypnosis so that I can be hypnotized into believing nothing of the like really happened. Wouldn’t that be nice. I wish I could do that.

When I look back on the past 19 years of my life, I realize that I’ve truly done a lot A LOT A LOT of stupid things. It’s unbelievable, really. The amount of STUPID things I’ve done. I want to forget. I want to forget. I want to forget I want to forget I want to forget -

But I can’t. Sometimes I really wish I wasn’t such an idiot back then. If only my more sensible, rational self now could go back in time to advise my insensible, irrational self back then.

I wonder where my soul mate is. Where are you, can you please come out and meet me? I find that it is too painful and time-consuming to keep looking for you.

Sometimes life can be really painful in the sense that the person you feel would never, ever let you down, actually does let you down. It can hurt immensely when that happens. And in order to block out the pain, you force yourself to forget it.

Where do all the lost memories go?

My life has direction - oh does it ever have direction - so why do I feel that it is so directionless? Why am I never contented with what I have? Why am I always questioning the way my life is headed for, the direction that it’s taking… the path that I guess, I’ve chosen to take? Why why why -

You. Can you please STOP calling me. Every single bloody night you call me. It’s f*cking irritating. When I don’t answer the phone, get it through your head that I’m just NOT INTERESTED in speaking to you.

I suppose I do have a lot to be thankful for though. I have a great family (albeit dysfunctional at times), a very comfortable life, a very stable background, a very strong religion (although I’m not as devoted to it as I wish I could be), a very "direction-ful" life, talent, health, and decent looks. I am grateful, I AM.

I’m not nearly as happy as I should be, though…

I’m getting fat. Ugh. Cellulite and I can’t wear my size 26 levi’s anymore and I doubt I have the confidence to wear short skirts either. And I’m all of 19 man! I can’t be like a cow now. Imagine how I’ll look like when I’m 29! or 39! or 49! horrors

New year’s resolution. ACTUALLY exercise. And cut down on sweet foods. To save my teeth from just rotting inside my mouth.

I haven’t read a book in so long.

I really used to just love reading. Like, I really adored reading. I still do, I think. But not as much as I did before. I remember I could finish 3 books a day, on average I’d read about 100-120 books a month. serious. But I have stopped reading like that for many years now.

I’d like to start reading again.

Hmmm.

This has been a mindless rant and if you actually took time to read it I really congratulate you.

My room is so messy.

I’d better go clean it now.